A HOMELESS MESSAGE : CALLING YOURSELF LORD!
Another day, another journey; thoughtful, a bit of vinegar taste in stomach but he could not call the name of the feeling. A touch of love? A pinch of agony? Spoonful of 2 week marinated tiring days? He could not call what he feels. He wanted to continue what he wrote two months ago. A short summery of 2017 to motivate himself for 2018 and he was motivated and optimistic two months ago. It was free to have expectations from 2018, although any single thing has not changed from 2017,2016 or 2011. Still there was war, as before; and there will be wars in the world, as before. Dark earth where he was born, the land of agonised people, the land of agonised folk songs, barren dark earth. Thinking of people in worse situation could not help him out to make him feel better. Just better than the worse ; or people who have faced the war, were just worse than the worse. He could not call the feeling. 500 humans died in a week in Syria and 150 were children. People below him did not carried him up to the sky like a feather, so light. Unknown feeling is just there, heavy and not moving anywhere. Where ever he goes, it is just there. His life was not any better he thought.
He took his bus with these thoughts, he wanted to continue what he wrote about 2017 :
“Sum Up
2018 will be yesterday and again we will notice how years are flying. 2017 the year of changes. Around this time last year in 2016, I was on the bottom level, waiting a life to begin again, a spark to burn and shine, waiting to be healed. A day with less hassle; a moment of peace, some sort of power to rise from your ashes. The world is turning around non-stop with all the good and bad things. The surroundings you see, the spot you stand on, feeling tired of seeing the same badness on each island or the same ones from the island of the bads.”
He arrived to another bus stop to change for the second one. Two minutes waiting in a cold London evening. There it was, aproaching as same as the homeless guy. He noticed both while his ears were being filled with music. He pretended he did not hear him but he was already on his sight and he never ignored any homeless person in this country. Nobody ignores any homeless person in this country.
Middle age, very skinny, a bottle of beer on his hand with clothes which could only warm him in Spring. Even himself would not remember when he had proper food last time. There he was standing next to him, asking if he is alright. He replied “I am not doing alright mate, not alright and have to take this bus now, good luck in life”; and on his left ear the music was still on.
He had a blue suit and a dark navy blue coat on him with a fancy claret red tie which was matching his scarf and navy blue herringbone cap. The guy knew he was dressed smart and his reply would offend the homeless guy but he truly was not alright.
As he got on the bus, the homeless guy told him “God bless you, brother!” and extended his hand from the edge of the pavement. The guy shook his hand and replied back “god shall bless you, too; if he existed” he does not really know what encouraged the homeless guy to get on the bus but he understood a long bus journey was waiting him. He walked to the middle row in the lower deck. The homeless guy did not pay for his journey and no-one would expect him to do so. The bus driver just did not bother and moved on.
He took his seat and the music and holy speech began! He heard his recent favourite song from Megadeth! ‘The Hardest Part of Letting Go... Sealed with a Kiss’ ; he whined for a second for the timing of the song, but it was one of the best songs to be on the background, the soundtrack of this bus scene from a movie with the sum of all his thoughts for many years which just found a weird body.
The homeless guy continued with fancy words about him. “You are very smart brother! Very elegant! Inspiring! Yes, brother; yes! You are very smart and inspiring! Are you going to meet your misses?”
He said he is just going to work but the homeless guy did not believe him and carried on his words about his smart looking.
He thanked the homeless guy and told him “you are just judging my outfit mate, you just see an image, you can not see what’s inside. Unfortunately I am going to work mate and these are my working uniform.”
All the passengers on the bus were watching this piece of play or the bus scene from a movie with curious eyes. All were trying to understand if the homeless guy was just crazy or wise.
As he said he is going to work and the words are not fitting him inside, the homeless guy began to give a sermon. What ever he said made full of sense on him and he just listened to what he said. He was a sensible nutter in the end he thought and spontaniously a story developed itself during this long felt short journey.
“Stop bullying him! Stop bullying him! Don’t upset him!” Looking up, pointing his god! “He does not want to be imprisoned! He wants to be free! Stop bullying him! He doesn’t want these clothes!” His voice got louder and louder on each sentence.
Passengers who were getting on and off, were giving that typical look to both. Trying to see what’s really going on!
He shook his head and replied “he is not there brother” with little words and body language. He was as well not sure if he is just a crazy sensible guy or a reflection of some holiness. A body with a voice giving sermon in the middle of his crisis. His life, his mood; almost everything were on the surface of the soil all of a sudden and a tear drop may come in a second or a silly smile may appear on his face. He did not know how to react to this slurry of emotions. Bipolar thoughts, beautiful agony or one of the darkest comedy!
He ignored and carried on shouting on the bus! “It is not funny! He is not happy! Stop bullying him! Take these clothes from him! He doesn’t want them! He is inspiring! Don’t take it from him! He wants to be free! Take him out from his prison! It is not funny!
Stop bullying him! Calling yourself Lord!?Are you the lord?!” And he looked down and told him “don’t you worry brother! Don’t give up! I prayed for you! He listened to me! Dont worry! It’s all gonna be alright brother!”
He only could say “thanks for your prayer mate, you deserve more than your prayers and hope you will have more than what you wished for me!, thank you for your prayer.”
He repeated himself over and over again during 10 minute bus journey “dont worry brother, dont be sad. You’ll be alright! I prayed for you. I spoke to him!”
All passengers were out, before the homeless guy and him. While the bus moving slowly next to Tottenham Court Road, he opened the emergency buttons and jumped out of the bus! He turned to him and said again “ everything is gonna be alright brother! Dont you worry! I prayed for you!”
He nodded his head and thanked him. He partly remembered getting to Oxford Circus! He found himself thinking if this journey was real or surreal or unreal! He went into a coffee shop to give his ciggy a good company. He ran into two of the customers on his way and he did his best to give a normal impression but inside the earth was shaking! The storms were taking the trees from their roots. He told them he was late to work and went on his way to work. He was thoughtless, literally without any thoughts. His body was walking but all was instinctive. Coffee and ciggy were on his hands but he did not feel them. On each puff, the freezing air filled his lungs but his lungs were not there. His mind wasn’t there. He went into the building, but his mind was still on the bus. He has done his routine preparations, greeted people; and all happened normally, the image was the same as before, sane look; friendly smile, casual questions, casual answers from outside but his mind was not the same!
ECO
24.02.2018
#homeless vs #smart
#megadeth
#thehardestpartoflettinggo
#sealedwithakiss
#london
#westend
#oxfordcircus
#tottenhamcourtroad
#ahomelessmessage
#callingyourselflord
https://youtu.be/EoHR_zfA8_I
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